by Mark Josephs (aka Mark the Mystic Activist)

This is the most intimate article I’ve ever written. In it I describe my personal experience of awakening in an interconnected world in which everything is relating with everything.

I MYSTIC

Why do I define myself as a mystic? Because I look like one? Because I’m an old man living by myself, out in the countryside, off-grid, in a caravan? Because I wash outside, and meditate and pray? No.

I define myself as a mystic because my primary moment-to-moment interest is not in what’s happening, or even in what I’m doing – but in my relationship with The Totality (by whatever name).

THE DIFFICULT QUESTION

When somebody prays, they feel they are in relationship with The Totality / God / Goddess / Great Mystery – obviously. But when somebody meditates deeply and “becomes one with everything”, there’s still the “with” word. That´s to say – there’s still a feeling of being in relationship.

I am interested in this relationship. I am interested in living in this relationship.

But first: the difficult question (and you might not like the answer!): is this relationship real? I might feel I am in relationship with The Totality, or my Idea of God or The Goddess – but does It feel Itself to be in relationship with me? Or (to be blunt): am I just imagining it?

I could give you clever answers about the infinite, interconnected complexity of existence, and the necessity of a coordinating intelligence – but any intellectual answer is only as reliable as the intellect. And the human intellect is clearly limited.

So let me be honest. I spend my days feeling I am in communion with The Totality. But am I really? I have no idea! Nor do I know how I could know!

I could make an appeal to the objectivity of intuition (“I just somehow know it to be true”), or to the objectivity of emotion (“I know it to be true because I can feel it”) – but, again, let’s be honest (otherwise what’s the point of discussing these matters: to just affirm each other’s preconceptions?): like the intellect, our intuitions and emotions are also subjective, conditioned and fallible.

But the exact same doubts about the reality of our perception apply to everything. How can we be certain of anything?! We perceive everything through limited, subjective, conditioned, fallible faculties! Does your lover love you? They say they do. You feel they do. But do they really? Can you prove it? No.

The truth of the matter, I believe, is that the only thing we can be certain of is uncertainty. Or, as Socrates reportedly declared: “I am the wisest of all, because I know I don’t know”.

We live in The Unknown. We don’t know where we are, or why. We don’t even perceive the world directly, but see its reflection on the screen of the mind – and therefore can’t even be certain of its reality. And so on.

So what to do? As Alan Watts said, “you´ve got to place your bet”. Your life is your betting chip, and you have to decide where to place it – whether on Universal Meaning or Universal Meaninglessness or Hedonism or Moralism or Guru Whoever or That Book… There are, of course, plenty of options.

So I have placed my bet, yes – on an ever-deepening relationship with The Totality. And as well as following Alan Watts’ advice, I also follow Joseph Campbell’s advice to “follow your bliss”. And he’s not talking about pleasure-seeking – he’s talking about something less easily defined: following that which makes our heart sing, following “the call of the soul” (John O’Donohue), following “the innermost decision that we cannot but obey” (Leonard Cohen).

I follow my bliss. And as I follow, the bliss increases! Does that prove the reality of Relationship with The Totality? (“You see – the relationship must be real, because the bliss just grows and grows!”) Not at all. It might just be that my hallucinatory state is expanding!

But what, for me, is this experience of relationship really like? I say it’s blissful. What else? What do I actually experience? What’s it like, for me, here in The Unknown, having placed my life-bet on the possibility of a real, reciprocatory relationship with The Totality?

THE EROTIC EMBRACE

The devotees of Krishna, the Sufis, and Christian mystics like Teresa of Avila and John of The Cross have all spoken of an erotic connection with The Totality. And I make this ‘appeal to authority’ (“you see, it’s not just me!”) because I am aware that people who speak about Sex with God (to be direct) can be easily misunderstood, and easily dismissed.

I don’t know exactly what those mystics experienced as they felt they were getting closer and closer to The Totality. But I imagine they felt more and more aroused – throughout their bodies (not just genitally). Because I do!

And I have guided many people along this path. And they all say – remarkably quickly and remarkably similarly – that as they breathe consciously, and bring their attention to their flesh – and let go of obstructive conditioning (like relationship with The Totality should be ‘pure, spiritual, disembodied’, or ‘distant, empty, neutral’, and so on – and definitely not ‘sexy’!) – and give themselves permission to really, really relax, and open, and become receptive ‘all the way down’ (from their heads, through their genitals, to their toes) – they too feel whole-body arousal – as if they were being penetrated by blessing.

I suppose that if my reference to famous mystics was a kind of ‘vertical appeal to authority’ – then letting you know how easily most of us can be guided into the Erotic Relationship with The Totality is a kind of ‘horizontal appeal to authority’- if you know what I mean. Once again “you see, it’s not just me!”

But I do have (what I consider to be) the good fortune to live on private land surrounded by Oaks – with Fig and Cherry Trees, and a dog, an allotment and chickens – where I can live naked outside – and where I don’t have to bow before The Clock God. Of course friends come and go, and I have a car, and drive off on errands, but generally it means that (in the way that I just explained I guide others) – I can guide myself full-time into The Arms of The Totality.

I say ‘The Arms of The Totality’ because I feel the presence of The Totality as an erotic embrace. Sometimes it’s more as if It is behind me, holding me from behind (a Mama Bear as Big as The Sky) – and sometimes it feels as if the embrace is all around me: right here, yet coming from everywhere – from as far away as I can imagine.

In this embrace I feel immovable, unshakeable, fearless. Yet also soft. My skin wakes up – as if responding to a tenderness in the air. Qualities we usually associate as ‘masculine’ arise in me: I feel powerful, absolutely still, silent, and solid – and at the same time I also feel what we would usually associate as a ‘feminine’ sexual longing – to be taken, to give myself, to surrender, to be enraptured.

I do feel living in nature helps. I can’t say “everyone should live in nature”, because everyone has their unique path – and who am I to say what others should or shouldn’t do?! But for me, there’s a huge difference between feeling myself in The Arms of God while surrounded by buildings, street lights and traffic – and feeling myself in The Arms of God in nature – where I feel myself to be ‘just another creature’ (like the trees, the birds, the insects) – all waking, sleeping, waking, sleeping – all breathing together – The Pulse of Life enlivening us all – the tender Kiss of Life passing through every body.

And (in contrast to the fashionably attired city centre) we’re all naked together! The trees are naked! The insects are naked! The chickens are naked! We’re not defended from That Which is Breathing Us All. We’re all surrendered to being-breathed. Something none of us understands is allowing us to all be alive – is keeping us all alive, moment-to-moment. It’s a wild Orgy of Life! (Again – I don’t know if it’s true or not, but) I am convinced the other creatures are all aroused too!

THE L WORD

And then there’s ‘the L word’ – Love! Another delicate and easily misconstrued piece of language…

As I enter ever-deeper relationship with The Totality, my body opens – I live in the erotic pleasure of belonging. But my heart opens too. And that is very, very pleasurable too!

I recognise my Not Knowing – that (as we have discussed) I am perceiving my own, unique, limited, conditioned, subjective reality. I recognise I am a unique creature. And I recognise that everyone, of every species, is unique too.

And so I rest in my uniqueness, in The Totality’s Embrace – feeling I can make choices, but that, ultimately, I’m not in control of anything (even the functioning of my own body). And I feel happy to not be in control – happy to be held in the Erotic Embrace of The Infinite Mystery of Existence. From there, I meet other unique creatures…

Now (because I feel held in my uniqueness) I don’t compete with other people, or measure my worth by comparing myself with them, or require or resist their judgement – just as I don’t compete with the trees, or measure my worth comparing myself with the birds, or require or resist the judgement of the insects.

We are all unique. We are all held. Everyone is a wonder, in their own way.

I experience the embrace that holds each of us, and holds us all, as a Loving Embrace. In it – I feel loved. I feel I am loved as the unique creature I am. And because I am relaxed inside this love – when I meet others, I love them.

I love, because I feel loved.

As I am loved, I love.

I see everyone as unique, and everyone as Held in the Loving Embrace of The Totality – whether that’s their conscious experience or not. In my eyes, they are loved – as I am loved. And as I am loved, I love them.

And there is a connection, I feel, in ways I don’t pretend to understand – between love and beauty. As I look out from The Erotic and Loving Holding of The Totality with eyes of love – everyone and everything looks brighter, more radiant, more beautiful.

And again, in ways I don’t pretend to understand – I feel that that beauty feeds me.

Like me, people I have guided also talk (as I said before: remarkably quickly and remarkably similarly) about no longer being in competition with others (once they’re rested in The Totality’s Embrace) – about feeling valued as unique beings, and therefore being able to value others as unique beings too – about feeling loved, and therefore being able to love. And about the beautification of the world.

NOTHING TO ACHIEVE

My interest is in being in relationship with The Totality. That is very different from wanting to become ‘spiritually advanced’, or some such thing. I can be in relationship with The Totality – now, as I am.

I won’t ever be ‘more in relationship’ with The Totality than I am now. The relationship might deepen and mature (I hope it will) – but that will be an evolution of the quality of the relationship – not of our proximity.

How I can ever become ‘more part of The Totality’ than I am now?! My capacity to remain focused on feeling The Erotic Loving Embrace might develop. But I am convinced that The Totality will not love me more (when my attention-capacity is stronger), than it does now. I am convinced that It already loves me totally. Do we love adults more than we love adolescents, who we love more than we love children, who we love more than we love babies?! Of course not! Even we don’t love in proportion to people´s maturity.

That said – as we relax into The Erotic Embrace we observe ‘the monkey mind’ distracting us, and unintegrated shame, grief, fear and anger calling for our attention. But as we let ourselves Fall Into Love, and give generous space and kindness to everything that arises in our bodies, hearts and minds – gradually, gently, over time, our attention-capacity strengthens, and we find we are more and more uninterruptedly enjoying The Totality’s Embrace.

I feel this is important because many of us feel we need to make an effort to enter the Erotic and Loving Embrace of The Totality – when, in my opinion, all effort is counter-productive. In other words, as I see it: we already are Unique Expressions, or Unique Manifestations, of The Totality. We already belong. Continuous eroticism is already our birthright. We’re already loved. We don’t need to achieve anything. We just need to open to what’s already here – to soften, to let go, to relax, and open – and feel what we already are.

More about Mark’s philosophy of life can be found at https://www.tribusconscientes.com/